Imade

I can't believe it's been a year since she passed away. Sometimes in
the back of my mind, i think she was still with us. she's just in ann
arbor working hard at her phd. every time i make a trip out to ann
arbor for something, i catch myself thinking "hey, we should meet up
with imade for sushi or korean food!" then it would suddenly dawn on me
that we don't have that privilege anymore. our angel has passed on.



it was truly a privilege to have known her, even if it was only for a
couple of years. now to think of it, the total time we spend together
face-to-face probably didn't even add up to a month. we worked at
different sites, then studied in two different cities. we got together
any chance we got, but still, how can anyone get too much of imade??
Andrea and I found out about her death on facebook. We both thought it
was a prank... it was just shocking. After, I thought, man, life is
mysterious, chance had it that we met up with her not long before that
in ann arbor for chinese food. we laughed so hard together, like every
other time we were together.



One of my favorite memory was of her playing Guesstures at my house.
Alexis and her were just the killer team!!! That's the cool thing about
her, no matter what she did, she gave her all. Even if it's just a
game, she played hard, and laughed harder!!! I still remember that
night, for some weird reason, my dog suki would not stop sticking her
nose in her crouch!! it was just so strangely hilarious!!!



I am sure in my heart that no matter where she is now, she definitely is
still laughing and loving, just as i remembered. We miss you, Miss
Imade.

girl in the puddle

After having about a week of ridiculously warm weather, now it's freezing again... and wet!  Raining is probably my least favorite weather. Snow? Yes, love that.  Rain? not so much.  it's gloomy, dirty, wet, muddy...blah blah blah 

But, come on, didn't we all used to love rain?  the pouring rain that made puddles right by the sidewalk?  the kind that looks like a water fall, overflowing the leaf gutter on your roof? one of my favorite thing to do when i was a kid, and i'm sure yall did too, was to ride my bicycle as fast as i could and crash right into the water puddles by the side walk, throw my legs up and watch the splash chasing me down the street. Wheee... if i happened to get it just right, i can splash the innocent little old ladies walking on the sidewalk.  they'd scream and curse and...oh who cares, i was gone already.

Last time i played in the rain puddles was in 2003. hehe i remembered because that was the only one time in the last 15 years.  my bff jane-jane and i would run out in the rain and hop right into those puddles as hard as we could, and hear the other delicate freshman girls scream... lol...i miss that.

An Ironic, Time-Management Waste of Time

On my new Dell netbook, there was a game called Purple Place.  I have no idea why it's called that or why the color purple??  There are three minigames included, memory, bakery and some weird design a face thing.  The bakery game really reminded of this online game i used to play call Cake Mania.  The goal was simple, just making cakes with the right color icing and top as ordered by customers, as fast as possible before they are pissed off.  It also included other little features like TV with channels that entertain your customers so they'll wait longer...cupcakes to keep them around, etc.  The money you make can be used to purchase more equipment, or update the ones you have.  It is quite additive.  I think it is really that "ke-ching" sound it makes when you take the cash that my head is really responding to.  Making virtue money apparently makes me happy too.  huh...what a concept. 

The strangest and the most ironic part is that this game, or rather series of Cake Mania, was categorized under "time-management"!!  Time-management games??  i don't know when other people plays this game, i know when i do it, it's basically a form of the worst time-management in the world, well, in my real life, of course.  while i kick ass at the game of managing baking time and icing time, in reality it is really the thing i do to avoid work and continue my life-long streak of procrastination.  I am a clinical procrastinator who kicks ass at time management, here is the twist, GAME!

are you lost?

i always thought people who sit around and wonder about their "path" in life, trying to "focus on myself", discover "thy-self" are self-centered, self-indulging...weasels.  and, i lost just a little bit respect for my skeptical self when that same thought popped into my head. 

everyone is moving on, or simply just moving.  i suppose there's nothing i can do to help it.  most people, well, let me rephrase that, everyone i know who has left or is planning on leaving, are leaving for good.  for the better. this sad excuse of a family-friendly town has finally wore us out.  they chose life! 

it's great to have a plan, or at least a start on one.  i am going back and forth, back and forth on what i should do.  should i apply this year?  should i wait?  If i do go on, there's no turning back.  or i really would like not to have to turn back one more round. while it's true that it's never too late for anything, really, time still doesn't go backwards.  i'd rather be "on time" if given the choice.  "on time" for all the things we are supposed to do. i guess technically i was "on time" for all my "social" rites of passages, graduation, marriage, job.  it still felt like a dead end.  everyone but me seems to be hopeful about my future.  i do feel lost.  rob always asks me do the thing that i would do if money is no object.  what if the answer to that question is... nothing.  whom exactly am i afraid to disappoint?  at some point that line seems gray to me, i am so used to feeling disappointed in myself when i think i have disappointed someone else.  is it me?

i hear women say all the time to their kid, "when i had you, my life was complete." so what? a screaming, pooping baby is the answer to everything? i suppose it's smart move, who can argue with the best "excuse" in the world?  it's such a tempting escape for me, just have a baby.  then my mind and all my time would be occupied, i won't have time or the energy to worry about myself when there's someone else to worry about. 

we all admire people who dare to be different, who dare to stride around living the life we were taught not to live. but almost everyone in this "category" still finds it hard to continue their stubborn streak.  are they really happy and carefree like the they paint themselves to be?  or is it just a front to put up to shut everyone up?

Pregnant people on water slides

I took my ma to splash village in Frankenmuth today.  It was so steamy in there...phew... it was fun, but it reminded me how much better Michigan Adventures in Muskegon was, well in the summer that is, and it costs about the same, $25 for half day.  The weird thing is, well, or so i was told...my mom and rob told me they spotted 4 or 5 really pregnant ladies in there, on the slides and everything... i've never been pregnant, so i don't know... but is that safe???  speeding through some tube ride crushing out and hit the bottom?

Taking showers at a swimming pool or something is always a dilemma,  if there's no individual showers with curtains and stuff, just a big open area with a bunch of shower heads... do you or do you not take off the swimsuit to shower??  If i keep it on, it felt like i'm rinsing the suit on me, not washing myself...if i take it off, and someone to walk in...the dilemma continues... do you say hi? what do you say when you are butt naked? "oh the water sure was nice?"  And let's say, you do talk, what if the other person isn't naked, should I apologize for letting all my junk in the trunk out in the open??

Afterwards we went to Jerry and Pat's in Auburn for seafood buffet... a word of caution:  the crab legs are great! the lake perch however, is a hit or miss...  my fav is this chocolate mousse thing, delish!

Butterflies

it was a beautiful day outside. We went out for a walk with the dogs this morning, did some house chores.  In the afternoon, I took my Ma to Dow Garden's conservatory where they have a live butterflies exhibit.  It was so humid and hot in there, some of the pictures turned out blurry because the lens had condensation on it. 

The smaller butterflies were more friendly and less timid than the bigger ones.  When it rested on a flower or something, we just offer our hands and they would walk right onto it.  It was really cool.  The bigger ones would not have any of that, of course.  They flutters around and refused to settle.  They were probably very annoyed. 

In the "breeding box", there were a whole bunch of pupa hanging, a couple of them, the adult butterfly just emerged or in the process of emerging.  A couple of the pictures, you can see the antenna and the head had just come out.  The whole emerging process is very very very slow. 

In one picture, you can clearly see it's a butterfly that just came out, it was hanging on the old pupa, and its wings were still curled, trying to straighten out. 

柜底的旧信封

这是我很久以前写给好友的一段话，他/她那个时候有些挣扎，希望现在好些了。 每每自己有挣扎的时候，就想到这些说给别人的话。。。顺便po出来自勉

憂鬱 低落 真的是一個很討厭，和讓人惱火的病症。 剛開始的時候，說病，又好像不是病。而周邊的人，甚至家人都會覺得是懶惰的藉口。 就好像沒有人理解，也沒有人相信一樣。 我記得我最常聽到的就是我老爸，和我外婆， 還有很多“多嘴”的家人，說一些什麽“嘿！你要是生活在50年前，沒有吃的，窮得沒有地方睡，就不會有什麽憂鬱症！” 哦！真得很叫人不知是哭還是笑。。。好想打人哦！

可是後來也麻木了，就跟自己說“就這樣吧，就這樣沒有知覺的，沒有感情的，行尸走獸一輩子吧！也許原來的 快樂，都是一場夢，現在才是現實。世界本來就不是小時候，或者是2年，3年以前想象得那麽開心的地方。” 可是每當有朋友，有身邊的親人，甚至是陌生人在的時候，還是會很努力的演戲，有時是一齣“我沒事，我很好的”爛戲，有時是一齣“我很陽光，很開朗的，很好 笑的”鬼戯。 其實心裏已經早就放棄自己了，還會默默希望會走在街上被飛機砸死，或是外星人綁架，一些奇奇怪怪的出路。實際上，心裏開始相信這個讓人很憤怒又很無奈的病 症，定義了自己的一切，也已段掉了希望，改變，欲望，渴望，甚至早上睜開眼的力氣。精疲力盡，接受了這個被扭曲的現實，“反正已經被打敗了，還掙扎什 麽”。

我聼過最好的解釋，就是一個憂鬱症患者看到的世界，就好像是正常人帶著一幅墨鏡散光在加深度近視的眼鏡看到的世界，是扭曲的，灰暗的，模糊的，再加頭痛， 眼酸。沒有憂鬱症的人，可能帶一下下，很難過，很不舒服，就自己摘下來了。而有憂鬱症的人，就好像被綁著手腳，沒有辦法摘下來，只能忍受一切，痛苦的走下 去，直到麻木，或是死掉。 但是生活和這個世界不是你我看到的，感覺到的那樣。 快樂和傷心都還是並存的，但是平衡的。 我們只是需要找到一把剪刀，剪斷綁住手腳的麻繩，就可以摘掉眼鏡，很原來一樣的生活。

找到適合自己的一把“剪刀”可能會花很多時間， [。。。] 重要的是不能放棄，找到爲止。 花個一兩年是正常的。 如果越拖就越麻煩，越痛苦，也越無力。人的精神會一點一點被消磨掉。這個病是和感冒發燒是一樣的，都要看病吃葯。 沒有什麽不同，更不需要自責，或覺得自己是不正常的瘋子。給自己一點時間一點空間恢復，不要害怕。

My Spring Mama

My Mama is flying in tonight to visit!!! yay!  i bitch and moan about my mom a lot, but then again which daughter doesn't? i miss her.  Someone was telling me that it's called "crazy-nice".  Apparently, that doesn't mean really really really nice, it means, it's nice, but drives you crazy at the same time.  I'm stubborn, think i'm always right, tend to tell people to do things my way, too smart for my own good sometimes... now imagine me times 100, you are now getting close to my Ma.

I finally kicked rob and his telescope project out of the guest bedroom last night.  The dogs were bathed for her arrival as well.  Now i need to figure out where to take her... i originally thought to take her skiing, but now it's raining...where should i go to find good snow??  now i'm thinking to take her to an indoor water park that has a steady 87 degree water, since she doesn't like getting into cold water even in the summer.  Any ideas, anyone??

On a non-related note, my spring break is half way gone already... all the work and tests coming up is looming above my head now... yuhhhh

the said and the unsaid

so what happens when the things we are suppose to "read b/w the lines" never gets read, or gets read correctly as intended?  is there a difference b/w embellishing the truth and hiding the truth?  i have, on several occasions, been accused of being too blunt.  people who embellished it in a positive way would say "straight forward", people who tried to hide it would say "honest". others who meant "less" than well would say "blunt, inconsiderate, rude" or my personal favorite, "cruel".

I suppose the truth does hurt...so why are we acting so surprised if the words we are hearing felt like a dart through the heart??  maybe our tolerance for the truth has been lowered to the point of voluntary denial.  god forbid if one of us should point out the elephant in the room! oh no! we have to talk around it, describe the elephant, and assume the rest of us would comprehend that description as an elephant, not a giraffe, or a dog, or whatever else that's not even remotely close to an elephant.  And boy, do we get mad when the truth is bluntly pointed out.  on paper, i'd say why gets mad at the truth?  it's like being mad at the air for having only 21% oxygen instead of like 90%.  it is what it is... in reality, my first reaction is always defensive, my first response is always to throw intentionally hurtful comebacks at your face.  sometimes, i hate to say it, it just feels damn good to make the other person cry like a little girl.  

My sympathy for the cry baby when arguing increases with the length of the argument as well as the cruelty of the comebacks.  I mean come on, it is definitely considered a cheap shot if you get teary eyed the moment i raise my voice.  making me look like the bad person doesn't make me less right.  it especially doesn't make me want to stop making you cry, since it's so obvious that the crying has been used as a weapon.  crying is for pussies, manipulative pussies.  and if you are so certain i am in the wrong, why the heck are you crying??  

Privacy is a modern invention

The latest house episode tonight was centered around a patient who was an avid blogger.  In the story, the blogger, Frankie, had documented almost everything in her life on the internet for all to see.  Forget about how plausible this is for a moment, though i'm sure it's doable... she commented at some point in the episode that we all would be more careful about what we say or do if we know everything was "on record".  In a way, she is what...? "policing" the people around her?? in the story, this woman had loyal followers on her blog around the globe...one of which even offered to donate his/her liver to Frankie.  I'm not sure if i believe knowing a person in the virtual reality alone actually counts as knowing.  Sure, we all had our AOL/Yahoo/whatever days, when we were 15 and had multiple "online" bf and gfs.  I remember there was definitely moments that i was certain my virtual illusion was true, that so and so was closer to my heart than the "real" people around me.  If i was really going for the thrill of danger, we'd exchange phone numbers and talk on the phone. for the record, let me just say, thank goodness i was not cut into pieces and dumped in a ditch somewhere.  The biggest problem is that we all try to present ourselves in a favorable way to others.  Trying to pick the right clothes to wear, the right things to say, the right gesture to make...when left to our own devices on the internet, with typed words alone, fabrication of ourselves must be inevitable.  If words are the only things we were held accountable, we can be anything we want to be.    

Taub said that privacy was a modern invention.  It's not the first time i have heard of it, but i can't make up my mind if i believe it.  I guess if we all live in small communities where everyone is in everyone else's business, nothing "private" can be really protected.  But after all we are still human being with thoughts and most of us can't read minds, so of course there's private things we can hide for ourselves.  Information about ourselves though, i guess, is a different story.  Where we live, what we do, how much money we have, what do we do when no one is looking... we tirelessly protect these things, we have laws and punishments, firewalls and passwords.  when it comes down to it, really, we have figured out, or have always known, information is power, information about someone can screw them over if used strategically.   We can protect all we want, but, if the intention to harm is there, it's just a matter of time when he/she screws you over.  I think privacy is just the part of us that is the most "tender", if you will.  The part that's the most vulnerable.  Privacy = the short cut to screw you over.

“过去了”

昨天晚上看奥斯卡颁奖典礼，其中有一段是纪念2009年所有过世的艺人。 你说这09年是不是有点儿邪了门儿了，老老少少的“过去了”那么多人。也只能说什么”生命很脆弱”一类的话，但又觉得有点儿太轻描淡写了。其实这里面儿有的人真的是够折腾的，另外有些也有点儿糊涂过头了,死得太可惜了。这三个是我一时印象最深的。

Natasha Richardson - 在魁北克滑雪撞了头，事发当时居然拒绝了医护检查，拍拍屁股就回酒店了！2-3小时之后开始闹头疼，这才上医院。 结果在撞击7个小时后就这么过去了！ 法医鉴定：意外事故。

David Carradine - 就更离谱了，S&M那么多年了，怎么那么不注意安全？又不是新手儿了，玩儿窒息自慰居然给玩儿完了，吊在曼谷一家酒店的储藏室里。 看来这和游泳死人是一个道理：淹死的一般都是会游泳的。 约有经验，就越过于自信，也没找个看伴儿, 这"惊险"变"危险"也定为事故了!

Brittany Murphy - 感冒转肺炎, 吃了乱七八糟一堆OTC的小药儿。没想到减肥控制体重，有严重的贫血问题。 所有的所有凑一块儿，心脏就“嘎巴儿”一下，停了！ 法医鉴定：事故。

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Treadmill Diary #2

Number of Days: 15
Number of Usage: 12

On the 5th day, my right knee started to give me trouble. it was a rather sad... or should i say, pathetic incident? after all, all i did was walking. Like, normal 2-2.5 mph walking! needless to say, i was more embarrassed at myself than anything else. guess it's gonna be more dreadful than i thought. i am what the chinese call "tiger head, snake tail"... i'm headstrong, impatient, and rarely finish anything i started... hobbies, books, blogs, diet plans, music instruments... parents and the "social order", sadly, had pushed me through school and back in school (otherwise, i probably wouldn't have finished that either). On top of that, i am "all or nothing". So for my treadmill plan this time around, i made sure to stay where i thought i was comfortable...urrrrhhhh... what a drag! anyhow, i whined a little, rolled my eyes at myself a little, and got back to walking slower and shorter duration. i also got myself a pair of walking shoes. apparently, there are specifically "walking shoes"?! come on, what happened to just dress shoes and athletic shoes? there are shoes of every sports now... i fooled myself, covered my ears and said, "new shoes are what's missing in my regime"... and ordered a pair of new balance 558 pink and white walking shoes. After all, finding the right things to wear is what..80%... of the effort? Today is day 15, walk #12. it was good, my right knee is holding up. Next goal: train my dogs to run on the treadmill!

Fastest or Shortest?

I am a loyal GPS user. No kidding. As i came out of the neighborhood McD drive through, my index finger immediately reached for "Navigate to" then "Home". My TomTom is my legitimate boyfriend outside of my faithful happy marriage. Lori, that is the name of my "navigator" lady. She gets quite loud sometimes and even nags at me, or so it seems. Reminding me to make a left turn every 500 yards, i often feel like i am driving with my mother suction-cupped to my windshield. Rob gave me the TomTom for Valentine's day one year. I know, my husband is a major dork. Probably why i had to marry the guy, so in comparison, i'd be the smaller dork of this relationship. It was probably the best gift i have ever gotten.

It's not that i am completely directionless, though some may disagree, just never invest my attention and brain gear towards it. Rob worries that i'd turn my brain off, when "Lori" is handling the road, and me ending up in a ditch, or getting hit in the middle of an intersection with the stop sign he swore that i had run. Do I really go through life completely oblivious? After the "attack of the purple bitch" (which entirely would be a separate entry), i had a new revelation. My senses are naturally heightened. I am actually "internally" observant. My "processor" however, automatically filter out everything and anything that's unimportant.

So anyhow, my favorite thing to do is to plan a route on the "shortest" setting. My TomTom take me to places i've been before but via a completely different, refreshing route. It sounds sort of stupid. But it's the perfect combination of the thrill of the unknown, plus the peace of mind that eventually i would get to where i wanted to go. If i get to unpaved roads, that's a bonus. Rob hates it though. Again, he's worried i would drive through a bad neighborhood and get shot. I suppose that's always a possibility. Probably not any higher than the chance that when i walk out the road, a school bus would run me over. Speaking of which, back in UIUC, there were probably 3 people got killed by the school bus while i was there...

It's nice to be worried about, though. Every time rob yells, "i don't want you to die", my heart would melt. Maybe i'm just too easy.

Treadmill Diary #1

Treadmill : Proform XP 690T
Source: Parents
Occasion: 26th B-day
Day: 3
Usage: 4
Favorite track: Lady Gaga- Summer Boy

It's been 3 days since i owned my first treadmill. In my crowded little apartment it looks humongous! I swear when i saw it at Sears, it seemed half the size. This is my first attempt to voluntarily start a self-indulge exercise schedule in... oh... i don't know... probably never! After my body crossed the 20th year mark, it had been thrown in to this wacko place where things start to show signs of wear and tear, if you know what i mean. This is insane...i'm a 50 years old trapped in a 20 something body...I am actually standing in the dairy aisle, next to some middle age mom, reading the ingredient on Activa! It is just sad.

My 26 b day is coming up, my mama and papa dropped a delicious offer on my lap - take dad's credit card and go shopping!! Needless to say, i crossed out the other hundred things i wanted in my closet, i promptly bought this treadmill. Let's face it, no matter how many times i decided to enroll in a gym, i am never gonna actually go on a regular bases. It is a known face that, I am, i hate to say this, but definitely a couch potato. Don't get me wrong, i love going outdoors, camping, skiing, or taking walk in the snow...but these still are occasional events. So now, with a humongous machines sitting in my living room staring right at me and my couch...i actually feel motivated to get on it. The neat thing is definitely that i can combine my absolutely favorite thing to do with my not-so-favorite thing - TV plus walking. Yep, i said walking. Not a fan of running under any circumstances...besides, i'm way too heavy for my joints to take that kind of abuse. Dad kept telling me this story about a mother who wanted to donate her liver to save her life's son. Unfortunately, at the time, she was obese and have a not-so-desirable liver. This poor mother walked off a ton of weight in 3 months and end up happily saving her beloved son. Oh No! My goals are never that ambitious. My goal is simple, when i pick up that remote control, i want to be on the treadmill, walking...nowhere. =) One step at a time, my friend, one step at a time.

Icy

Source: http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/412431/2/istockphoto_412431_caution_icy.jpg

so i heard midland county laid off a whole bunch of people earlier this year, which explains why the speed for clearing the road around here are so slow. Apartments, though, are even worse. My landlord supposively does not have people plow snow unless the snow is thicker than 2 inches. But, if it's still coming down, say in the next day or two, he will ignore all the snow that is already on the ground, and just waiting till it's all done to plow. This is CHEATING!!!!


I myself nearly flew into the air and landed on my butt also Sunday night, thanks to my no-traction sneakers.... it was a funny dance i did that saved my butt. Today i went to the dentist, some lady came in for an emergency. She fell on ice, and landed on her front teeth while screaming ah....i think, so she came in with a bloody towel covering her mouth. it was like...wow... coming thru! toothless lady! I got my night guard fited today! yay! no more teeth grinding!

Progress

Image Source: Lisa Zicceralli

I have finally had a productive day today. Haven't had one of these in a long long long time. I successfully made to all my class this morning, despite the fact that i missed all three buses going to campus from my apt. I walked a bit, and luckily caught another bus along the way. I managed to stay awake in all my classes except in history discussion... i woke up not long after though. so yay me!

For our design project, we got many of our questions answered, therefore made lots and lots of progress this evening. It was definitely a huge relief comparing to days of nothing working. Tomorrow we will be working on heat integration, definitely not looking forward to it, and economics for our super optimized design...

Rob had his interview in Midland, MI today. I have heard that it went really well. They seemed to be very interested. The area sounds very nice to raise a family in. So i was happy. We'll see what happens. I miss my baby :( But he's coming back soon! In the morning!! 9:45 AM... i better get some sleep sometime soon, otherwise he'll be just stranded at the airport. Going swimming with Kalyn afterwards and need to run some errands as well... my classless tuesdays go by really fast! but don't get me wrong. having 2 out of 5 days all to myself are just plain awesome... no complains, except my super duper low productivity...

I had a good day, hope you do too

S* F* S*

image source: www.freedomforum.org/graphics/2000/04/illos/screamingman.gif

I am convinced that the only reason i always stay awake during my history lecture is because my professor cusses through the entire lecture and refuse to sugar coat anything. It is not at all offending to me, rather, abso-f*ing-lutely refreshing and just damn exciting. I am, for the first time in my entire like, looking forward to attending my 10 o'clock lecture twice a week.

Material or topic of the lecture does not seem to concern me a bit, rather, would he say f* or s* today is the amusing thing to watch. It is so twisted but just so true. Professors who cuss the most are the most popular. why? they are human too, they ARE just like us. The fact that they lecture on topics most of us aren't interested is the one thing that keeps us from recognizing the truth, they are just like any other annoying or amusing old neighbor you have who cusses and laughs and just having a good time when they don't give a f* who is listening... I found it very respectful to lecture outside of the box!

Just in general, all these fuss about professionalism... i have learned in my emotional intelligence class, it is the opposite that earns you respect. The human side of you, the emotional side of you are much more important and effective in building long lasting relationship with your boss, co-worker, competitor, enemy or even your lover or, old nasty next door neighbor. So i say, laugh and cry and scream. we are all human, every god damn single one of us...

未来

image source: www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/rni/lowres/rnin420l.jpg

煩死啦！問那麽多幹什麽？

關心你嘛？！

沒有別的好説了麽？

有什麽計劃麽？

嗯 就是活著不死的 有錢花 有東西吃的那種 不是問過好多遍了麽？

哦 關心你麽

關心我應該就會記得 我上次 上上次說了868遍的事兒了吧？
學校呢？ 申請得怎樣了？
不要談這個嘛！
不好麽？
說點兒別的吧！

。。。〈沉默〉。。。

哦 你畢業幹什麽？
我犒！幹! STFU

Dog Park

Click to View

Urbana Dog Park 04/01/07

Rob and I took Tucker to the urbana dog park this afternoon. We had a blast, Tuck got to meet so many other doggies! it was hilarious!

my celebrity look-alikes

I don't know most of these people... but they call themselves celebrities... nigga plz... :)

new wireless mouse

Image Source: www.digitalmediathoughts.com/images/pepcomholspec/large/pepcom_holiday_spectacular_nyc_2004_1600_19.jpg

Image Source: www.digitalmediathoughts.com/images/pepcomholspec/large/pepcom_holiday_spectacular_nyc_2004_1600_18.jpg

When i went to TX to see my mother, i discovered that my old laptop's mouse pad doesn't really work anymore. So being the perfect little girl i am, i gave my awesome wireless mouse to my mom. And i purchased a new one, Logitech MediaPlay Cordless Mouse, with my $25.00 Amazon.com gift certification i have earned using my Amazon.com visa card. And did you know that you could use the gift certificate on products sold not only through Amazon.com but also through their venders. that is just very nice of them. I also got a deal on my mouse as well. It is sold in stores for about 50 bucks, i got mine for only 27 dollars plus shipping. I only paid 10 dollars with my gift certificate, so that makes me happy!

My awesome new mouse have some great features a media nut like me! I am just gonna list a few:

1. It has a "media" button that can be programed to open up any media player of my choice.
2. The mouse can be used as a remote control when you listen to music or watch videos.
3. It has a play/stop button
4. volume up/down button
5. Next/previous button
6. two more back/forward button that can to programed to do whatever you want
7. The scroll wheels moves to all four direction
   

Heh heh it is so cool looking as well. Black+red the timeless combination!

I see you hatin' ! hehehe

母亲

Image Source: http://ms1.fwps.ntct.edu.tw/teaching/mothersday/img/bag060011.jpg

heh i didnt write this. But it definitely touched me when i read it...

母亲的一生为你做了什么你知道吗

当你1岁的时候，她喂你吃奶并给你洗澡；

而作为报答，你整晚的哭着；

当你3岁的时候，她怜爱的为你做菜；

而作为报答，你把一盘她做的菜扔在地上；

当你4岁的时候，她给你买下彩笔；

而作为报答，你涂了满墙的抽象画；

当你5岁的时候，她给你买了漂亮的衣服；

而作为报答，你穿着它到泥坑里玩耍；

当你7岁的时候，她给你买了球；

而作为报答，你用球打破了邻居的玻璃；

当你9岁的时候，她付了很多钱给你辅导钢琴；

而作为报答，你常常旷课并不去练习；

当你11岁的时候，她陪你还有你的朋友们去看电影；

而作为报答，你让她坐另一排去；

当你13岁的时候，她建议你去把头发剪了，

而你说她不懂什么是现在的时髦发型；

当你14岁的时候，她付了你一个月的夏令营费用，

而你却一整月没有打一个电话给她；

当你15岁的时候，她下班回家想拥抱你一下，

而作为报答，你转身进屋把门插上了；

当你17岁的时候，她在等一个重要的电话，

而你却抱着电话和你的朋友聊了一晚上；

当你18岁的时候，她为你高中毕业感动得流下眼泪，

而你却跟朋友在外聚会到天亮；

当你19岁的时候，她付了你的大学学费又送你到学校，

你要求她在远点下车怕同学看见笑话；

当你20岁的时候，她问你“你整天去哪”，

而你回答：我不想像你一样；

当你23岁的时候，她给你买家具布置你的新家，

而你对朋友说她买的家具真糟糕；

当你30岁的时候，她对怎样照顾小孩提出劝告，

而你对她说：妈，时代不同了；

当你40岁的时候，她给你打电话，说今天生日，

而你回答：妈，我很忙没时间；

当你50岁的时候，她常常患病，需要你的看护，

而你却为你的儿女在奔波；

一封给长辈们的信

给伤心忧虑的爸爸妈妈们 -

儿孙自有儿孙福 慢慢就会好的
我们的翅膀会慢慢强健 心智渐渐成熟 假以时日 都会翱翔天空的

就算在这个过程中 我们受伤犯错 甚至有时好像看不到出口
日子一天天也会熬过去的 没有什么可怕的

不论是佳佳 贝贝 楠楠 还是莲莲 我们都在以不同的方式长大 逐渐建立自己的未来 自己的窝
作为长辈的您们 一路上跟着我们 有惊有喜 有苦有笑 还有揪心的苦和痛
最为孩子的我们 虽然没有太多言语上的安抚（孩子脾气) 一切的一切 一点一滴 我们都看在眼里记在心上 绝对没有忘记

我们总是在冲动 犯错 懊恼 抱歉中徘徊
有时真的在无意中伤了您们的心 我在这儿代表大家说声对不起了
就请您们再耐心的包容我们一些吧

在生活这个大课堂里 我们初学扎练
虽然目前没有什么可值得骄傲的 但是不摔倒怎么能学会站起来呢？
所以 请您们也适当的放下一些事 我们会努力做好的

- 楠楠，佳佳，贝贝，莲莲

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no more spring break

source: http://www.nassaulibrary.org/bryant/blteens/uploaded_images/homework-704044.gif

ai... no more spring break! LITERALLY last spring break ever! i'm happy to be out of school, but no more vacation would suck so bad! maybe i should change my major and be a teacher, then i would still get my vacations! i was on the alumni website my junior high friends were on, apparently a lot of my classmates are teachers now.
i do this every time, i'd bring my books, stuff i need to work on stuff... and what do i do? NOTHING i have no idea why i kept doing this for 4 years now! give up already. so when i get back, i still have my paper due and lots of other crap due. what a shame. just once, when i go back to school what awaits me is something fun. like a puppy or something. i wonder what kalyn and jane jane are doing now. oh wait, janejane is reading comic books online. kalyn... mmm... probably trying to make it back home safe. some of those psycho kids in class already started that assignment thing for chbe. mutants!
i found out the other day, hot tubs are so expensive. but i love them. i've been getting in and out of them everyday. bought some new shoes today with my dad's credit card. hehehehe i'm still thinking about that new ipod i wanted to buy. i guess i wouldn't be needing it. just look at all these crap i have now that i do not ever use... a new ipod is just gonna keep my attention for about 2 months, then i'd move on to something else.
Carol got sick when rob and i are in AZ. poor thing, she love company, but always end up in the hospital... i don't want to get old, not because of the wrinkles, or floppy body... i don't want to be sick so much. that is just wrong...

小吃

Source: http://static.flickr.com/32/62432326_5a519b6e2b.jpg

我是米面包！ 哈哈 你呢？


■優點： 為人善良、思想單純、真诚不做作、善解人意是你最大的优点！

■缺點： 做事經常缺乏主見、而且又顯的不夠機靈，因此很容易被人利用。

■速配情人類型： 聰明、善良的人和你最速配！

■如何活的精彩： 一直讓步並不能為你解決問題，適度的反撲，才能讓別人開始尊重你。

你是什麼小吃呢?

Shaving it close!

source: http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com/cartoons/1994-11-25.gif

My flight this morning was scheduled to depart at 12:00 PM. Rob and I are were planning on gettin up at 6:30 am, leave the house by 8 AM, which will give us plenty of time to get to midway airport and have breakfast on the way. So 4 alarms were set and we went to sleep. I don't know what the heck was the problem, maybe because i slept in yesterday morning, i was very restless. Just turning and tossing.... so finally i gave up and got up to chat with friends on msn at 3 in the morning. I finally felt tired around 5 am and decided to take a nap till 6:30 am. It was a good nap. I woke up and stretched~ ah~ so good... and WAIT!!! WH Y IS IT SO BRIGHT OUTSIDE AT 6 IN THE MORNING?
I woke up rob, and we looked at the time, it was 9:05 am !!! he jumped up and hurried us out, and insist on the reason being non of the alarm went off.... well, i think we were just really tired for the last 2,3 weeks and just really crave for sleep...
We made it to the airport on time, but just barely. When we got to dallas, we actually got on an earlier flight to houston and got to my mom's a couple hours earlier than the plan... so all turned out well.
But Rob said it had shaved 12 years off his life, just so stressful... ~ahh now we can finally relax...

Restless

source:http://www.hiromimatsumoto.com/images/art/restless.jpg

辗转反侧！！!
只是白痴透顶！越是需要睡 越是睡不着！
I feel so restless!! and it's 5 in the freaking morning!

Spring Break Count Down

source:http://www.brevardcc.edu/news_melbourne/images/general/cartoon_beach.gif

My group is meeting to print our report out, FINALLY! so my spring break countdown officially begins! 24 hours now folks!

My bubble pump came back from the machine shop and it wasn't working. So back to redesign again. But i guess that gets me off the hook for a while with my advisor.

Rob and I are flying to houston for the weekend, leaving for AZ on tuesay, then we'll head back to campus on Saturday. I know this is really different from my orginal plan for getaway for two. But let's face it, i am OLD! i need to see my family more than anything.

One side of green st. somehow lost power, so all the restaurants weren't open for dinner, we had to go to subway to eat. And there was some bad service! the manager is away, so the employees will play! the two little lowlives were trying to turn the lights off, lock the door and trying to fake a power outage, so they can get off work early. Super shady acts! i know... well well

I made a new friend in lab the other day with this new chinese grad student from beijing. I thought she was super quiet and shy, but apparently, she can yap yap away for hours on! hahaha She hasn't had a chance to talk to me ever, and she didn't think i spoke any chinese... Anyway, once that confusion is cleared, she is sooo talkative. So now i have one more person to talk to in the lab out of all these other boring boring boring grad students!

Well... i better get to packing...

Empathy and Kalyn

My dad used to tell me that i am a genuinely good person with lots of empathy for those who are unfortunate. He used to say that ever since i was little, even before i learned how to sit, my mom would watch TV with me in her arms. When there is something sad going on in TV, i would cry; when good things are happening in TV i would giggle! hehe I sound like a really adorable baby, don't i don't i!!! hahaha anyway. He said i have kept this trait all my life. He thinks that i can not bear to see anybody in pain or in trouble. If i could, he said, i would take up all the homeless people and put them in my house and feed them! I doubt that those were my really words and thoughts. Cause ever since i could remember i don't seem to be empathetic about the misfortunate. Um.. let me rephrase that. I guess i do not have any empathy for stupid people who bring it onto themselves. For example, I have tons to empathy for a hungry child on the street. But for a perfectly able young homeless person, i could only say, well, i'm sorry, but you deserve it. No body should be starving in this country. just because all the public welfare that are available... I do have empathy for people i care about, other than that is a "ha well... that sucks, better luck next time i guess"

that is not a bad thing to not have empathy for a lot of people is it? i mean when you think about it, it's a self protecting mechanism. It would be so much worse if i trust everybody i know and give empathy to everyone around me. People do need to work for empathy and trust from others. That's what makes it special. otherwise there is no such thing as friends or good friends. I really think those levels of closeness are defined by the amount of empathy and trust they have for each other.

I AM GOING TO CHINA WITH KALYN!!!!!

yes, folks the lutherian gal is gonna invade china in june! plans you ask? Beijing, Chongqing, and maybe somewhere else! It will be so much fun!
Speaking of kalyn, we had a love/hate relationship in the past. This odd little white girl was my roommate freshman year. She is probably on the opposite pole from me if we were electrodes! Freshman year, i think i tried so hard trying to warm her up to me. But no, it seems like she is just soooooo unexcitable! and we hated living with each other! hahaha so i guess once we moved out, everything just magically fell into the right places and the world is filled with rainbow and flowers again! it is just really surprising that she would become one of my best friends. and i really do hope we keep in touch after we graduate. and i really think if there really is a god, she would be an angel sent to me from heaven! well... at least i was told that i said that when i was drunk in the hospital on my 21th birthday... ya...i don't remember that

期待和依赖

This is taken from a friend of mine. I think it speaks my mind better than myself!

Elyn's Quote

期待和依赖

我们都会奋力成为对方心中那个人，如果他认为他爱的是个聪明的女人，我们会尽量使自己聪明，如果他认为他爱的是一个善良的女人，我们会尽量善良，如果他认为他爱的是个独立的女人我们会尽量独立，当他以为他爱的是个宠坏了的野蛮女友，我们也会努力成为那样的人。如果这个男人也爱我很深，则会尽量成为我所期盼的那个人，比如像我所以为得那么爱我，像我所期盼的那么伟大，像我所预计的那么无私，直到有一天，我们发现对方的要求已经越来越高，已经分不清现实与期待，我们只好黯然承认，我没法成为你期待的那个人，我没有办法像另外一个人那样不顾一切的爱你。

有人说人本来是雌雄同体，终生在寻觅另一半，不论你信不信，两个人相爱都是一种配合。依赖也许不是一个好东西，除非你是婴儿。太依赖的小孩令人很担心，太依赖的成年人又被认为不成熟，然而，正因为我们长大后发现可依赖的人只有自己，所以才可望依赖别人。爱是一种依赖，我们希望成为对方的孩子，成为孩子，意味着得到温暖，照顾，食物和柔情，终其一生，很多人都渴望得到这些美好的东西，当那人说：“你太依赖了，我吃不消了。”那么他显然不是和你分裂了的另一半。我们口里说比较喜欢独立的另一半，可是假如他独立到完全可以自己制造温暖，照顾，食物和柔情，那么我们还拿什么来恋爱？适当的依赖是一种亲昵和信任的表现，去回应这种依赖就是爱，如果你只是路人我才不会依赖你呢。只是，我们往往无法准确地掌握依赖的重量。太轻了，对方没有安全感，太重了，又轮到自己没有安全感了。

source: http://www.lotour.com/imagessnapshot/2005-3-15/127553489717656250_53070376.jpg

一股暖流

昨天晚上邪了门儿的清闲，可能是因为周六吧！ 有活儿也不想干！ Hooray! 给宋暖打了个电话， 聊了好一阵~幸福啊幸福， 没有毕业设计捣乱！ 怀念以前可以天天见到的日子。 小宋说“你回来 我天天陪你”， 心里热乎乎的！祝你心想事成！有一个朋友说 两个人在一起是件很累的事儿。我觉得说的对。 但是有一个能让人即使受累， 也要在一起的伴侣是绝对幸福的，不是因为幸运，是因为种瓜得瓜 种豆得豆。什么浪漫 爱情 是累了半天的奖品，不是回报，没有保证的回报， 有期待的人， 特别是女人， 都是活在危险中。 生活是另一码子事儿！幸福是需要主动索取的，不是等待别人，期待别人因为“回报”而给于的。 我深深地相信这一点，就算是经验之谈也好，邪门歪道也罢， 我是幸福的。 这是我成功索取幸福的见证。
I love you - it's what i do
It's what i sacrifice,
Not what i say or think.
I demand your love, your time, your energy
With my sacrifices for you.

Love me,
Sacrifice for me,
Need me or even hate me for loving you,
Otherwise, let me show you out.

I am here,
Standing right here.
See me, acknowledge me.
That is the least you could do
As a civilized man,
Or a man at all.
Love me or just get the F* out of life.If you do love me,
Show me,
Prove it to me everyday,
Every moment of your life.
If you don't have the intention to stay
To work for my sacrifice,
Then don't bother.

Do me a favor,
Let me do you and leave you.
I deserve the pleasure,
And you deserve to suffer

Without me.

Design and Puppies!!

Geee.... so our DME process design had to be changed yet again! It was so frustrating! Apparently, we used the wrong feed purity because it is mass percent, not mol percent purity. I am also just so very glad that there is not much drama among my group members. We get along really well, and genuinely enjoy working together. That just makes everything so much easier! So i'm hoping this time, we are actually done for ASPEN and could start writing our report. But i'd say, give it another couple of days, and just be mentally prepared to change our design a couple more times. It is a good thing though, that we are finding out about this now, instead of the night before it is due! hehehe lucky us... it's twisted...

It got kinda chilly out today. I'm glad i had my big long winter jacket. I'm just really spoiled with warm clothing and would never want to be cold again! hehehe Rob and I have had korean food for 4 days in a roll now. We are broke, but the food is sooooooooooooo good!!!! Korean bbq in woo ri jib, stone bowl rice in A-ri-rang and spicy seafood soup!!! ooooooomg,... i am drooling just thinking about it!

I got in touch with a couple more friends from china. It's so exciting to see what everyone has evolved into... every body is grown up and have job or got married! Best wishes tho! I've met the first person i know that is in Gaming Management. Sounds like a cool major! funner than all these engineering students i'm around all the time, i bet! We were talking about puppies we want to have when we get the space and time to have them! so let count down the doggies i want to have!

Chocolate Labrador Retriever - 我爸爸有一条， 去年暑假回国玩儿的时候 照顾过他 he is gorgeous ! I love labs in general cause they have such a nice temperament and are very good with kids, and they are just sooooo gorgeous! 而且 超聪明！

Tricolor Beagle - they are just the funniest thing! they are known to have a really active spirit and good nose! i just love their big ears flopping around all over the place! hehehe

Golden Retriever - they are similar to lab retriever, except they have slightly different built and have flowing long hair! grooming might be really time consuming... and i'd worry about my house would be filled with dog hair every where!

German shorthaired pointer - their coating are so pretty!!! look for it on google image. you'll see. They are very active! i'd love to take them go hunting and camping!

Great Dane - I love big dogs, great danes are just sooooooo big they look like little horses!!!! hahaha they are goofy looking and just make me wanna laugh! they are so sweet though. they look very dignified but are actually sweethearts with low energy level.

Weimaraner - they are the prettiest things ever! I love the gray coated ones with blue/grey eyes. The bad thing is that they have extremely high energy and are very likely to get into trouble if not exercised enough. And they are not that great with kids, because they are dogs who thinks they are people! they need personal spaces and if kids do not respect their space, they might be mean! but i'd love to have one, and with the right bring-ups, i think they'll be great companions! Wish i could just have a farm full of doggies i love!!! oh by the way, donations are accepted for my doggie fund!

Rewind

黄小Jane总有po歌词的习惯，我有时觉得那根本是作弊。 哈哈 今天就懒一下， ipod 听到这首歌，就想到和小P分手的往事。好像极其贴近， 呵呵， 就po出来回味一下。 就算是分手也是有值得想念的日日夜夜，点点滴滴。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

倒带
蔡依林

作词：方文山 作曲：周杰伦

我受够了等待 你所谓的安排
说的未来到底多久才来总是要来不及 才知道我可爱
我想依赖而你却都不在
应该开心的地带 你给的全是空白
一个人假日发呆找不到人陪我看海我在幸福的门外 却一直都进不来
你累积给的伤害我是真的很难释怀
终於看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开 哭著求我留下来终於看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息求我别离开
你总是要我乖 慢慢计划将来
我的眼泪却一直掉下来过去怎黱交代 你该给的信赖
被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖
从我脸上的苍白 看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带 只是感觉已经不在而我对你的期待 被你一次次摔坏
已经碎成太多块要怎黱拼凑跟重来
终於看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开哭著求我留下来终於看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开宁愿没出息求我别离开

A Small Town Art Teacher

source:http://www.sjo.k12.il.us/art_1/

Lauren A, the fiance of a grad student in Masel's lab, is a first year art teacher at St. Joseph-Ogden High School. She is the only art teacher at that small high school and is in charge of Art I, II, III, IV classes. I have no idea how many students she has or how many kids are in each class. The school has 500 students approximately from what i heard. So it's a small school in a small town. I was introduced to their art class website by her fiance, Rob. I was amazed at just how great those art works are from Art I students. I posted some for your viewing pleasure. They are just so vibrant and lively. I thought of that crippled kid walking around on the quad trying to get to class even in icy cold winter. And of course i thought of myself skipping classes because i was just too lazy to get out of bed... The same two souls, different paths, different lives. The difference is not physically, but rather mental. The amount of dedication and determination the former has, makes the latter seems rather shameful. When i saw those art works by the kids in Lauren's class, something inside of me woke up. I periodically forget that life is about 80 years long, and the range of things i'll do in my 80 years defintely exceeds school. For the timebeing, it's probably a good idea to try my best for an ASPEN assignment. But in my remaining 60 years, it doesn't mean anything more significant than, say, lunch on the quad. The colors i see contains more meanings and significance, the emotions behind them represents more. I just realize i probably shouldn't get hang up on my 23rd year, but think about my 40th and 50th year. So many things come and go, working hard is not a periodic thing, probably just a life style. That's probably why there doesn't seem to be an end to it. and no one probably wants it anyway...

Ah... Sleep

source: http://www.sciam.com/media/externalnews/2007-01-10T215456Z_01_NOOTR_RTRIDSP_2_TECH-APPLE-IPHONE-DC.jpg

I have finally put APSEN behind me... well actually there's more coming up. PFD assignment due in 17 days, so i was told. My group wants to get started today! i just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

So my report was like... 40 mins late, so i got 5% off... but let's face it, it i have turn it in 40 mins earlier, it would be an incomplete report which would take more points off than 5% so i was happy..

Went mile swimming with Kalyn this morning, i was so beat. Some day i feel like i'm a sword fish, some days, like today. i was just a cat trying grasp my breath in the water. I figured out that my cell alarm isn't working anymore. It has a mind of its own! i want a new cell phone, but i just bought a replacement battery for this one! I'll think about it later. REMEMBER now... i said i would live my life with what i need in mind, not what iwant! Would a new cell phone be a need or a wantt? i don't know.... i guess if in 3 weeks i still want it, it might be a need??

We'll see, for now, please call if i have a meeting with you , cause my alarm is gving up on me!

My man

My Lover Boy

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