Empathy and Kalyn

My dad used to tell me that i am a genuinely good person with lots of empathy for those who are unfortunate. He used to say that ever since i was little, even before i learned how to sit, my mom would watch TV with me in her arms. When there is something sad going on in TV, i would cry; when good things are happening in TV i would giggle! hehe I sound like a really adorable baby, don't i don't i!!! hahaha anyway. He said i have kept this trait all my life. He thinks that i can not bear to see anybody in pain or in trouble. If i could, he said, i would take up all the homeless people and put them in my house and feed them! I doubt that those were my really words and thoughts. Cause ever since i could remember i don't seem to be empathetic about the misfortunate. Um.. let me rephrase that. I guess i do not have any empathy for stupid people who bring it onto themselves. For example, I have tons to empathy for a hungry child on the street. But for a perfectly able young homeless person, i could only say, well, i'm sorry, but you deserve it. No body should be starving in this country. just because all the public welfare that are available... I do have empathy for people i care about, other than that is a "ha well... that sucks, better luck next time i guess"

that is not a bad thing to not have empathy for a lot of people is it? i mean when you think about it, it's a self protecting mechanism. It would be so much worse if i trust everybody i know and give empathy to everyone around me. People do need to work for empathy and trust from others. That's what makes it special. otherwise there is no such thing as friends or good friends. I really think those levels of closeness are defined by the amount of empathy and trust they have for each other.

I AM GOING TO CHINA WITH KALYN!!!!!

yes, folks the lutherian gal is gonna invade china in june! plans you ask? Beijing, Chongqing, and maybe somewhere else! It will be so much fun!
Speaking of kalyn, we had a love/hate relationship in the past. This odd little white girl was my roommate freshman year. She is probably on the opposite pole from me if we were electrodes! Freshman year, i think i tried so hard trying to warm her up to me. But no, it seems like she is just soooooo unexcitable! and we hated living with each other! hahaha so i guess once we moved out, everything just magically fell into the right places and the world is filled with rainbow and flowers again! it is just really surprising that she would become one of my best friends. and i really do hope we keep in touch after we graduate. and i really think if there really is a god, she would be an angel sent to me from heaven! well... at least i was told that i said that when i was drunk in the hospital on my 21th birthday... ya...i don't remember that

期待和依赖

This is taken from a friend of mine. I think it speaks my mind better than myself!

Elyn's Quote

期待和依赖

我们都会奋力成为对方心中那个人，如果他认为他爱的是个聪明的女人，我们会尽量使自己聪明，如果他认为他爱的是一个善良的女人，我们会尽量善良，如果他认为他爱的是个独立的女人我们会尽量独立，当他以为他爱的是个宠坏了的野蛮女友，我们也会努力成为那样的人。如果这个男人也爱我很深，则会尽量成为我所期盼的那个人，比如像我所以为得那么爱我，像我所期盼的那么伟大，像我所预计的那么无私，直到有一天，我们发现对方的要求已经越来越高，已经分不清现实与期待，我们只好黯然承认，我没法成为你期待的那个人，我没有办法像另外一个人那样不顾一切的爱你。

有人说人本来是雌雄同体，终生在寻觅另一半，不论你信不信，两个人相爱都是一种配合。依赖也许不是一个好东西，除非你是婴儿。太依赖的小孩令人很担心，太依赖的成年人又被认为不成熟，然而，正因为我们长大后发现可依赖的人只有自己，所以才可望依赖别人。爱是一种依赖，我们希望成为对方的孩子，成为孩子，意味着得到温暖，照顾，食物和柔情，终其一生，很多人都渴望得到这些美好的东西，当那人说：“你太依赖了，我吃不消了。”那么他显然不是和你分裂了的另一半。我们口里说比较喜欢独立的另一半，可是假如他独立到完全可以自己制造温暖，照顾，食物和柔情，那么我们还拿什么来恋爱？适当的依赖是一种亲昵和信任的表现，去回应这种依赖就是爱，如果你只是路人我才不会依赖你呢。只是，我们往往无法准确地掌握依赖的重量。太轻了，对方没有安全感，太重了，又轮到自己没有安全感了。

source: http://www.lotour.com/imagessnapshot/2005-3-15/127553489717656250_53070376.jpg

一股暖流

昨天晚上邪了门儿的清闲，可能是因为周六吧！ 有活儿也不想干！ Hooray! 给宋暖打了个电话， 聊了好一阵~幸福啊幸福， 没有毕业设计捣乱！ 怀念以前可以天天见到的日子。 小宋说“你回来 我天天陪你”， 心里热乎乎的！祝你心想事成！有一个朋友说 两个人在一起是件很累的事儿。我觉得说的对。 但是有一个能让人即使受累， 也要在一起的伴侣是绝对幸福的，不是因为幸运，是因为种瓜得瓜 种豆得豆。什么浪漫 爱情 是累了半天的奖品，不是回报，没有保证的回报， 有期待的人， 特别是女人， 都是活在危险中。 生活是另一码子事儿！幸福是需要主动索取的，不是等待别人，期待别人因为“回报”而给于的。 我深深地相信这一点，就算是经验之谈也好，邪门歪道也罢， 我是幸福的。 这是我成功索取幸福的见证。
I love you - it's what i do
It's what i sacrifice,
Not what i say or think.
I demand your love, your time, your energy
With my sacrifices for you.

Love me,
Sacrifice for me,
Need me or even hate me for loving you,
Otherwise, let me show you out.

I am here,
Standing right here.
See me, acknowledge me.
That is the least you could do
As a civilized man,
Or a man at all.
Love me or just get the F* out of life.If you do love me,
Show me,
Prove it to me everyday,
Every moment of your life.
If you don't have the intention to stay
To work for my sacrifice,
Then don't bother.

Do me a favor,
Let me do you and leave you.
I deserve the pleasure,
And you deserve to suffer

Without me.

Design and Puppies!!

Geee.... so our DME process design had to be changed yet again! It was so frustrating! Apparently, we used the wrong feed purity because it is mass percent, not mol percent purity. I am also just so very glad that there is not much drama among my group members. We get along really well, and genuinely enjoy working together. That just makes everything so much easier! So i'm hoping this time, we are actually done for ASPEN and could start writing our report. But i'd say, give it another couple of days, and just be mentally prepared to change our design a couple more times. It is a good thing though, that we are finding out about this now, instead of the night before it is due! hehehe lucky us... it's twisted...

It got kinda chilly out today. I'm glad i had my big long winter jacket. I'm just really spoiled with warm clothing and would never want to be cold again! hehehe Rob and I have had korean food for 4 days in a roll now. We are broke, but the food is sooooooooooooo good!!!! Korean bbq in woo ri jib, stone bowl rice in A-ri-rang and spicy seafood soup!!! ooooooomg,... i am drooling just thinking about it!

I got in touch with a couple more friends from china. It's so exciting to see what everyone has evolved into... every body is grown up and have job or got married! Best wishes tho! I've met the first person i know that is in Gaming Management. Sounds like a cool major! funner than all these engineering students i'm around all the time, i bet! We were talking about puppies we want to have when we get the space and time to have them! so let count down the doggies i want to have!

Chocolate Labrador Retriever - 我爸爸有一条， 去年暑假回国玩儿的时候 照顾过他 he is gorgeous ! I love labs in general cause they have such a nice temperament and are very good with kids, and they are just sooooo gorgeous! 而且 超聪明！

Tricolor Beagle - they are just the funniest thing! they are known to have a really active spirit and good nose! i just love their big ears flopping around all over the place! hehehe

Golden Retriever - they are similar to lab retriever, except they have slightly different built and have flowing long hair! grooming might be really time consuming... and i'd worry about my house would be filled with dog hair every where!

German shorthaired pointer - their coating are so pretty!!! look for it on google image. you'll see. They are very active! i'd love to take them go hunting and camping!

Great Dane - I love big dogs, great danes are just sooooooo big they look like little horses!!!! hahaha they are goofy looking and just make me wanna laugh! they are so sweet though. they look very dignified but are actually sweethearts with low energy level.

Weimaraner - they are the prettiest things ever! I love the gray coated ones with blue/grey eyes. The bad thing is that they have extremely high energy and are very likely to get into trouble if not exercised enough. And they are not that great with kids, because they are dogs who thinks they are people! they need personal spaces and if kids do not respect their space, they might be mean! but i'd love to have one, and with the right bring-ups, i think they'll be great companions! Wish i could just have a farm full of doggies i love!!! oh by the way, donations are accepted for my doggie fund!

Rewind

黄小Jane总有po歌词的习惯，我有时觉得那根本是作弊。 哈哈 今天就懒一下， ipod 听到这首歌，就想到和小P分手的往事。好像极其贴近， 呵呵， 就po出来回味一下。 就算是分手也是有值得想念的日日夜夜，点点滴滴。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

倒带
蔡依林

作词：方文山 作曲：周杰伦

我受够了等待 你所谓的安排
说的未来到底多久才来总是要来不及 才知道我可爱
我想依赖而你却都不在
应该开心的地带 你给的全是空白
一个人假日发呆找不到人陪我看海我在幸福的门外 却一直都进不来
你累积给的伤害我是真的很难释怀
终於看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开 哭著求我留下来终於看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息求我别离开
你总是要我乖 慢慢计划将来
我的眼泪却一直掉下来过去怎黱交代 你该给的信赖
被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖
从我脸上的苍白 看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带 只是感觉已经不在而我对你的期待 被你一次次摔坏
已经碎成太多块要怎黱拼凑跟重来
终於看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开哭著求我留下来终於看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开宁愿没出息求我别离开

A Small Town Art Teacher

source:http://www.sjo.k12.il.us/art_1/

Lauren A, the fiance of a grad student in Masel's lab, is a first year art teacher at St. Joseph-Ogden High School. She is the only art teacher at that small high school and is in charge of Art I, II, III, IV classes. I have no idea how many students she has or how many kids are in each class. The school has 500 students approximately from what i heard. So it's a small school in a small town. I was introduced to their art class website by her fiance, Rob. I was amazed at just how great those art works are from Art I students. I posted some for your viewing pleasure. They are just so vibrant and lively. I thought of that crippled kid walking around on the quad trying to get to class even in icy cold winter. And of course i thought of myself skipping classes because i was just too lazy to get out of bed... The same two souls, different paths, different lives. The difference is not physically, but rather mental. The amount of dedication and determination the former has, makes the latter seems rather shameful. When i saw those art works by the kids in Lauren's class, something inside of me woke up. I periodically forget that life is about 80 years long, and the range of things i'll do in my 80 years defintely exceeds school. For the timebeing, it's probably a good idea to try my best for an ASPEN assignment. But in my remaining 60 years, it doesn't mean anything more significant than, say, lunch on the quad. The colors i see contains more meanings and significance, the emotions behind them represents more. I just realize i probably shouldn't get hang up on my 23rd year, but think about my 40th and 50th year. So many things come and go, working hard is not a periodic thing, probably just a life style. That's probably why there doesn't seem to be an end to it. and no one probably wants it anyway...

Ah... Sleep

source: http://www.sciam.com/media/externalnews/2007-01-10T215456Z_01_NOOTR_RTRIDSP_2_TECH-APPLE-IPHONE-DC.jpg

I have finally put APSEN behind me... well actually there's more coming up. PFD assignment due in 17 days, so i was told. My group wants to get started today! i just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

So my report was like... 40 mins late, so i got 5% off... but let's face it, it i have turn it in 40 mins earlier, it would be an incomplete report which would take more points off than 5% so i was happy..

Went mile swimming with Kalyn this morning, i was so beat. Some day i feel like i'm a sword fish, some days, like today. i was just a cat trying grasp my breath in the water. I figured out that my cell alarm isn't working anymore. It has a mind of its own! i want a new cell phone, but i just bought a replacement battery for this one! I'll think about it later. REMEMBER now... i said i would live my life with what i need in mind, not what iwant! Would a new cell phone be a need or a wantt? i don't know.... i guess if in 3 weeks i still want it, it might be a need??

We'll see, for now, please call if i have a meeting with you , cause my alarm is gving up on me!

My man

My Lover Boy

Click to view

My Ex's in Texas

High School Sweethearts

Click to View

High School Goof Offs

High School Goof Offs

Click on the pic to view the entire album

同学

source: http://search-art.aac.pref.aichi.jp/dat/pic/1997/obj199704426l.jpg

最近不知怎么了，有好多老朋友跑出来。也有强烈的欲望，想留住很多好像要飞走的友情和亲情。可能是因为快毕业了八，老人的心情又跑出来了。
昨天给小表妹写了一封信，有好多歉意。很讨厌哪种欠别人什么的心情，那才叫郁闷。想想，真得很久没有努力的联系大家了。应该过得都好吧。。。就算不好也帮不了什么，大家都熬着吧，会有出头之日的
早 上考完西方史，一个头遍两个大，出发之前看到一个老同学的留言，一天心情都不错。嗯，人应该都是喜欢被记得的吧，所以作为群体中的一员也是有义务和责任让 被人知道--他/她是被记着的，没有被时间和人群埋没，也没有白白到这个世界来一趟， 他/她的存在有人不停的证明着。
从这个角度想，我真的是一个很差的人。

Simple is better

source: http://www.thesimpleway.org/images/newkids.gif

I really want to write this down before I forgot, although I am supposed to be reading about the great western civilization. But oh well.
I was telling somebody the other day that I think my life would be so much simpler and happier if I base my life on what I need than what I want. I thought of this because my mother was asking me what I want her to buy for me from china. And I said a whole bunch of things, like a Christmas list... but then when were discussing each item, I realized I really didn't need any of them except maybe one or two. Then why the heck do I want it? "um.. It would be nice to have" I thought. But it's so much hassle, because all these things would suck out time out of my already well packed day and nights. no matter is it a gadget or a game or whatever... for entertainment or other purposes... to think how much simpler my life would be without my phone or internet, or the computer... I definitely used to sleep more, play more outside and talk to people more. All the new stuff are just gonna take up all my time initially and then end up sitting in a corner in my closet or a drawer somewhere waiting to be given away or thrown out because I really don't need it, and never get around in using it anyways. Back to the conversation with my mom, so I shot down all the things myself and just stop myself from there. And I have definitely noticed it saved me lots of energy. Excitement and anticipation are energy consuming as well. It really is just one thing I don't have to pay any attention to at all... it's a liberating feeling, really.

What Yanan Kong Means

Y is for Young A is for Abstract N is for Nerdy A is for Animated N is for Naive K is for Keen O is for Optimistic N is for Nice G is for Glorious

What Does Your Name Mean?

14 yrs old mom

source:

http://www.brandycunninghamphotography.com/maternity/1DSC_4522.jpg

i'm watching this Japaneses soap called "14 yrs old mother"... obviously it's about a middle school girl got pregnant when she was 14. It was quite funny in a wicked way at first. For instance, there is a scene where she and her "love" interest held hand for the first time and hugged each other, the next scene was 2 months later she discovered that she was pregnant from this incident ... I was shocked. "did i miss something in between?" i kept rewinding and see if i have missed about 10 min of the show or something. It is amazing how american tv had affected my tv logic... because in a regular American teen show, they will show kissing, making out, stripping off their clothes, actually having sex (for the more graphic shows) and then maybe, the girl will be pregnant. But it's more about just casual sex where the consequences are not considered or ever bothered to worry about.

A good friend asked me is it because Americans just plain have "bad" values. "no, i don't think so" i told her... it's just different. The same reason why saying no is rude to Japanese people, but not in the rest of the world. People form their values and their worldly views under quite different circumstances. there are just too many complicated reasons and a long long process how we end up the way we are today.So back to the soap opera... (spoiler warning) She decided to have the baby. And of course, being 14 , it takes such a toll on her under developed body. She nearly died... i'm not sure how it ended yet, cause i'm not there yet.

But in the spirit of pregnancy - a life is a miracle in itself. I still remember when i was little, my aunt asked me and two other cousins of mine that if we want to have babies when we grow up. "nope, i'll play with my friends' or neighbors' kids. but i'm not gonna put up with all this taking care of them crap" and then later, when i got oldder, i don't even want to get married for a number of year. Marrige is overated i told myself. I don't need a piece of paper to validate my love.

I was "pro-choice" as well, i believed the mother should have the right to decide what to do with her unborn child, after all it's her body. But more and more i think being able to have a relationship with another human being is just miraculous. The process of an egg from production to being fertilzed and go through the all development with all the precision and accuracy in my body, then to birth is just inexplicable ! even today, with all these high tech shit we have, we can not replace that process in tubes and machines. Imagine what a great great journey it is! If you belive in destiny, being a mother itself is a destiny that i believe no female should skip if they can help it. Even if you are reproductively challenged, which i worry about that every day, adopt a child... give a family to a needed child. It will change your life, in a good way. Being a mother is naturally naturally a great great job that i think it's gift to women. I treasure it so much. And i am thankful for my mother and her mother and so on.

Snow Sledding!

source:
http://www.clipartguide.com/_small/0060-0504-0618-5012.jpg

I went snow sledding today! it was awesome. We had 8 people and 5 sleds. So we went down the hill at the same time! gee, we were going backwards most of the time!
Thanks to Helmi who organized all this, it was my first time, and it definitely rocked my week! Feel all energized now!
If you've never tried, you better get you butt to Orchard downs, yep the apt complex, they have a reasonable size hill covered with snow!

Christmas Break

Source Image: http://www.webwombat.com.au/motoring/news_reports/images/z4bmw2.JPG

Yes! Break.

I am excited about the break, not because of the christmas tree or the gifts.. well maybe gifts, but mainly because it is homework free! Stress is unlikely to be free, since you can always count on relatives for that at family gatherings. Rob and I have safely arrived at Pheonix, AZ for christmas with his parents. Mine are also coming over later on this week. It will be a "parents" christmas filled with awkward moments and embarrassing stories. Like that time you peed your pants, or that other time you went to the wrong bathroom... and all these other times that you don't want to talk about.

Our trip was alright. Southwest were on time. We did some christmas shopping today, driving around in the sexy sexy BMW Z4. (Thanks, Tom and Carol) It is a cool idea.... but just way to tiny for us. Especially when i' m used to driving around in a big tall SUV, suddenly i am a field rat running around on the ground, or it feels like it. I would rather have a bigger car. In the matter of getting killed and killing. I choose the latter.

Carol got sick from her beloved grandson, Logan. It is just the classic bitter sweet. Because of her Lupus, it takes a long time for her to get over even the commonest cold. I wish she could get better soon. She is the sweetest lady ever. And she has this glamorous personality. It's like being with a very down to early movie star, charming and lovable!

I'm going back to Texas with my folks on 26th. Really looking forward to see Elaine. I heard there will be lots of stories. I really should email her. I got to see Aaron, Guanting and Jane before i left, jane jane left campus real early this semester (grrrr)... I didn't get to see jason, which i sorta looked forward to. oh well... i got a couple of the grades back, they are not super great. but i'll see to that later.

Happy holidays everyone! I will be driving my sexy Z4 till 26th!

Super Mario 2 = Super Drug Induced

Image source: http://sotss.classicgaming.gamespy.com/media/artwork/smrpg/mario.gif

Yay! I finally got some time to finish up my super mario 2. This one is definitely the odd ball in the mario family. I guess at the end, they try to say it's in Mario's dream. But i really think whoever wrote this game was just trippin' on LSD. There are weird purple aliens, frogs, rats, monkey, train, and all sorts of weird characters! Oh man, it was hard though. Those old nintendo games are way harder than the newer ones. It's a lot of fun. I started Mario 3 but got bored, cause the pace is a lot slower, the worlds are shorter, it just seems not as fun any more....

Well, well. I finished my two exam today. So now for friday, there's stat homework due. I have my kinetics final on Saturday afternoon. Then the next week, control final on monday. stat final on thursday. Lab report due on Thursday. Then i think i should be done.

Image Source: http://www.mundogamers.com/images/

Say wha?

Image source: http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1217682/2/istockphoto_1217682_cartoon_explosion.jpg

I'm studying for the 430 mini-final, we have to know these "technological" disaster case studies. So what do we come to learn... um... things blow up because people did wha???

1) Try to replcace pipings while the process is up and running!
2) Hook up the switch in reverse position, on=off, off=on
3) No pressure relief valve on the reactor tank...
4) build houses on heavily chemical contaminanted land, and "donate" it to the educational board for a dollar
5) pay a railroad contractor to build a dam...
.
.
.

the list of most stupid causes goes on, but "i couldn't help by wonder", are these really technological disaster? Have we been all blaming the wrong "guy"? Mr. Tech must be so sad. It's the people's own stupidity...

It's sad but extremely funny in a sick sick way. My face kept getting confused about the emotions on display...

5% vs. 10 %

So i stayed up most of the night to study for Control quiz and 430 exam. Surprisingly i discovered that, the bi-weekly control quizzes are worth 10% of my grade per quiz, whereas, the 430 "mini-final" is only worth 5%, but the latter has way more material to study for, lots of memorizations.

Well, the decision was made. I dedicated most of my time last night for control. Luckily i have a 3 hour break between control and 430, so i'll continue my studying then. Robert has a big day today, 1 hour presentation, solid interviews and the lab tour! Good luck, baby. I love you, and always will stand by you.

Time to go take my quiz,

Later.

Portland, OR

Rob has left for Portland OR for a site visit/interview. Wish him luck. I heard the weather would be nice there, in the higher 60's actually. He will be heading back on Tues.
So i'll be sleeping alone for a few days. Having the bed all to myself! aww... i'll miss him.